'I'm lovin' it!' - Ronald McDonald's Rufinol Rape Escapades

FYC: " 'I'm lovin' it!' - Ronald McDonald's Rufinol Rape Escapades" - The Hamburglar gets a Big Mac he wasn't bargaining for when he falls into the evil clown's perverse trap.

John Lasseter and Don Thompson thought they had a license to print money with this cynical Pixar/Disney tie-in, but once Gasper Noe took the director's helm he made significant script changes to the original family-friendly animation project and was fired half way through.

Despite detailed guidance from Pixar chief-brass, Noe's replacement Todd Solondz was inexplicably unable to get the film back to a sub NC-17 rating.

PBR Jihad!

FYC: "PBR Jihad!" - Joaquin Phoenix's directorial debut is an updated version of 'Quadrophenia', in which instead of Mods with scooters versus Rockers with leather jackets, there are hipsters on Segways versus Islamists with Semtex vests, transplanted from trendy Brighton beach to anonymous Lancashire shit-tip Morecambe Bay.

Two child hood friends are caught up in the intense rivalry - but only one of them is wearing a bomb... Featuring iconic music selected by Pitchfork, and halal silence selected by Mullah Omar.

In 2 Deep

FYC: "In 2 Deep" - Sequel to the wildly popular lethargic extreme sport film "In Deep", in which professional comatosees see how much Propofol they can be injected with and still actually wake up from afterwards.

Vin Diesel stars as young maverick sleeper Butch Octane, who is put through a rigorous training process by a curmudgeonly, Night-Nurse addicted, burned-out ex-sleeper played by Krist Kristofferson, who is haunted by personal demons. Scarlett Johansson plays the  anaesthetist attending to Butch, beneath whose frosty surface lies a yearning, fiery, untamed passion.

Soporific.